Politics and Religion

I am not fond of discussing politics overly much. I always feel inadequate to carry on a conversation. I rarely have all the data, but with the information I do have, I make the best decision I can.

Though the votes are not all in, it is obvious that Obama is to be the next President of my nation. I am unhappy with this decision on a political level- I disagree (and vehemently) with many of his policies. I think he is the wrong candidate for the position but what I think doesn't matter. In what is perhaps, the first (major) time in my life, I can let go. Obama's policies are liberal at best, communist at worst. I can either wring my hands and fret or I can trust God in His ability to work all things together for good. These next four years are probably going to be extremely upsetting to Christians, especially conservative ones. I can be thankful that God is in control. Now I know to watch the sky and pray, for surely the day is coming.

I have always found it interesting that America is not in the Bible. The Book of Mormon added an entire account of the Americas and though I believe that the Book of Mormon is a false doctrine, I think its funny that Americans have always wanted to put their stamp on the map, but in the greatest Book of all time, we aren't there.

Anyway, Jess over at Making Home has a post about how we are to pray for our leaders, even ones we don't agree with. I commit to praying for our current President, be it Democrat or Republican for as long as I live. I probably won't pray everyday, but I will pray when I think of it throughout my week because a prayer is more powerful than a vote!

These are just my thoughts for today. In other, completely unrelated, news: I finished sewing a skirt today and plan on making several more over the next few weeks. I bought a new pair of boots at Wal-Mart for less than $20 and they promptly gave my blisters on my heels. Anyone know how to prevent blisters? These boots must last through this winter and quite possibly, next one too. I will take pictures when my wardrobe is complete!

The Heart of the Matter

(This post began as a response to Anastasia-Jane's comment on my "My Issue with the Issues" post but it was just too long to post...and too important, so I've posted it here!)

I have always been one to give in to peer pressure, whether good or bad and for the longest time, I have always wanted to just fit in to a group. I have never fit into a group before and I don't make friends easily or keep them long when I do. I think all of that "baggage" is what is preventing me from seeing what is right in front of my face!

I don't look good in long skirts, I am about 75 pounds overweight and skirts are just NOT flattering when you are heavy. Sure, dresses can hide little indiscretions here and there, but they only work to accentuate the extra weight I'm carrying around. However, despite the fact that I look poorly in them, I have felt called to wear them. I feel better when I wear long skirts and I like it when my daughter does too. Frankly, at my weight dresses and skirts are just more comfortable because there is less pulling and tugging going on. So, for now, I am settling on the comfortable, God-honoring, modest, but completely unfashionable and unattractive skirts and dresses. As I lose the weight (see my other blog!) I hope to be able to begin to look nice in dresses again. I know I will once the weight is gone, and I'll probably look better than I would in pants!!!

I know I've said a lot already but when you said that "God would lay in on your heart to change," it made me think of what God is teaching me. I am learning about all of these different "conservative" approaches and I have tried them all with varying degrees of "success" but the real lesson isn't in putting on a particular garment (skirt or headcovering) it is in my ATTITUDE, my heart that reveals what I am truly wearing. Whether I am wearing pants or a skirt, when I confront my husband over an issue, I disrespect his authority over me and disgrace my Father in heaven. I am learning so much about my place in the world, in society, in the home and under God. These things have been HARD for me to learn because it isn't as easy as putting on a dress! I wish it was...but God is working on changing my heart. I praise Him for this stressful time because I know He is changing me into the woman that he wants me to be! My husband has already noticed a difference in my attitude toward him when I am wearing pants and when I am wearing skirts.

As I try to take it one day at a time, I am realizing that wearing these unattractive outfits keeps the vanity off of myself. I don't have to fret about my "butt looking big in these jeans" because I'm not wearing jeans, I am wearing a modest dress or skirt. Sure, I am looking wider than I actually am, but I can give that to God. He has created me just as I am and loves all my curves, even the ones I want to get rid of! See, it's really a heart issue. I have been complaining about my hair lately because it isn't long and beautiful like so many other women. I want it to be long and beautiful and either straight or curly. My hair can't decide what to be and just ends up frizzy, I get frustrated with it in the morning and am tempted to whine and complain...this is my heart!!! I am now turning to thanks all my complaints. "I hate scrubbing toilets! Thank you Lord that I have indoor plumbing, that my son is still too young to make cleaning around the side an arduous task. Thank you Lord that you have given me hands to work that I might bless my family with them." And so goes my day. This can only be the Lord changing me. Oh, how I want to be changed!!! "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10 KJV

Pumpkins!!!

We went to the pumpkin patch several weeks ago and though my husband carved the kids' pumpkins, he didn't touch ours so they were sitting out on our front doorstep. Yesterday, our kids were playing with the bocce ball set and decided to use one of them like a mallet and smash in the top of Daddy's pumpkin. So, today I am faced with gutting the pumpkin before it rots....but, I decided to bake the pumpkin! Usually, I bake pumpkin bread but I have always used the canned variety. I saw a blog the other day on how to bake pumpkins and decided to give it a shot!

So, now I am looking for recipes to do something with all this pumpkin pulp I have on hand! I found a good website, Pumpkin Nook Cookbook, that seemed to have some good recipes. What I am really looking for is pumpkin pancakes. I have heard good things before, so now I have a recipe for them...my pumpkin seeds are done now, so I'm going to crunch away!

My Issue with the Issues

When I first started this conservative Christianity journey, like I have said before, I was really skeptical of the whole thing. I didn’t understand the claims or positions of the different groups. One thing I have found since discovering Conservatism that disturbs me is the number of ways to “classify” a person. Perhaps I am still looking in on a totally foreign concept, but I almost feel like I am changing religions, that I can now be in the ranks of “super-Christians” or some other such nonsense. I have noticed (at least) four groups of people who move in these conservative circles: one, the KJV only believers, two, the modesty and femininity are the hallmarks of the female species, women and girls wear exclusively long(ish) skirts or dresses, and three, women (and girls) shall keep their heads covered at all times and four, always home school. Along with these four main topics there seem to be at least a few other issues like diet and church preference that further divide us.

I look at all these topics, not because I disagree and find fault in these issues, but because I agree with these issues and find fault in their practice. I know (or at least I am very confident) that none of these women’s blogs would argue that any of those things are essential for salvation, which rules out “legalism” as a method for adding anything except grace through faith in Jesus Christ for salvation, but I wonder about legalism in the way we live our lives. Is it purely from the Bible or is it a way to unnaturally separate ourselves from the world and be proud of it?

I am really fighting this: am I wearing modest (long) skirts and dresses out of submission to my husband (who doesn’t care if I wear pants) and God who declares that I should be MODEST/CHASTE and FEMININE? Is a long skirt the only way to accomplish both of those things? Can I wear a well-cut, not skin-tight, pair of pants and a nice blouse and still be feminine? Am I wearing those clothes merely to be different and to be accepted by a particular group in society? I want to throw out my pants; I only wear them because they are easy and “modern” so I won’t make other people uncomfortable by my appearance (like my mom, for example). I want to dress my daughter in pretty feminine clothes, but she wears mostly pants. How does all this dress-wearing work in winter? We are moving from Washington state (semi-mild winter) to Colorado (not so mild winter) and we are moving in JANUARY!!!

Then I look at the King James Only debate and while I was completely convinced not too long ago, I have since begun to think differently. I DO find the KJV harder to understand. Yes, the words themselves are simpler, but the order of the words makes it difficult to understand the sentence. I read the NKJV, as does the pastor at my church and I enjoy it. My version pulls from both the “oldest” text that the NIV uses and the more historical version that the KJV uses, in the notes whenever the texts disagree, the NKJV translators included an asterisk and then writes out what the other version said. If I am unsure about something, I will usually take it to the KJV because I do believe in the historicity of the text forming the KJV. However, I did ask my sister who took the Christian Apologetics Master program at Biola University and her belief is that the only infallible Word of God is the original language and that the translations that we use are still useful for doctrine and correction but as they are translations cannot be considered in the same class as the inspired word of God. We know there are mistakes in the KJV, sure many of them were typos, but how many misprints are in the original text? None. I don’t mind using the KJV and I don’t care for the NIV or any of the ultra modern New Living Translation because I think they inhibit a person from truly understanding. When you don’t have to think when you read, you can easily pass over a passage, but when you have to work at understanding it, your brain recalls better. See? I’m up in the air here as well. This one feels a little less “important” because it is a pretty private issue, I think. It is easier to keep this decision between God and me.

Then we have head covering. I used to think that women should cover, but I kept going back and forth and while I think that it can be beneficial, I don’t think that at this time, God is calling either me or my daughter to cover our hair, our bodies, yes.

Finally, home schooling. Honestly, this is my plan, but I am having my doubts about whether I can do it. This is supposed to be my “test” year because Jordyn is in preschool right now. I am doing NOTHING. It seems like she is learning NOTHING!!! Perhaps, if we are in a good school district, we will try Kindergarten for her. She is really excited about “going to school” and I think she would like it. My daughter has a tendency to be shy and she doesn’t really have other kids to talk to, so school might be good for her. I know what I want. I want to use The Well-Trained Mind and give my kids a great academic life. What I am doing is letting them watch countless hours of Dora and all her Nick Jr. buddies. How do I get there?

One trend I am noticing is that I need to “fix myself” first. I think God is working hard on me now because so many aspects of my life have been either put under a microscope or thrown into the flames. I can only come out better since God has begun a good work in me and will be faithful to finish it! Praise the Lord for that or all these musings would be depressing indeed!!!

Tomorrow's Plans

I have a lot to do tomorrow. Now that I have all but dropped out of school, I am feeling so much less burden and so much more peace. I really want to finish my degree, but not at the price I was paying. Anyway, the state I have been in has allowed me to become more lax with my housework, so tomorrow is going to be a push-start day for me.

I hope to:

-do all my dirty dishes (there are A LOT!!!)

-go to the gym, working out needs to come higher up for me at this time in my life

-straighten living room and vacuum, process the paperwork that's piling up

-scrub bathroom

-complete load of laundry and fold and hang my "leftovers"

I don't plan on wearing myself out, just my normal morning and afternoon cleaning, plus the dishes and laundry, which "don't count." In addition to the things I purpose to do, I would like to do some sewing. I haven't found any decent dresses or skirts in my price range for my size, so I have purchased a significant amount of material (it's enough for my wardrobe) and its not doing me any good folded in my basket(s). I also bought some crushed velvet for our Christmas outfits. I am looking forward to taking a really nice Christmas picture as a family since it has been a long time since we have taken one. Hopefully, I can get the outfits sewn and the pictures taken and developed in time to put in our Christmas cards! In addition to tackling my sewing pile, I am working on a new two-week meal plan following this new diet I am trying based on the book Perfect Weight America by Jordan Rubin. His book is fantastic and I would recommend it to anyone. He uses many of Sally Fallon's recipes from her book Nourishing Traditions and I love his plan, but always find it hard to shift to that lifestyle, even though I know it is better for me. (Check out my other site, F.I.S.H, to watch my journey!)

I was hoping to do the dishes tonight, but I might just read my Bible and then head to bed!

School Woes

I am so tired of school! When I started this school year, I thought I had more than enough free time to actually get everything done that I needed to get done. Sure, at the time, my kids were watching more TV than the average adult- it was literally on from wake-up to naps, after naps until forcibly playing outside, then dinner, and then after dinner required a movie before bed to "wind down" though I don't really know from what! As I started to realize that my schedule was pathetic and that DAYCARE (shudder) would provide a better education that what I was currently giving my children, I started to change. I know people (my husband) who is a rapid-changer, once he decides to change and logically maps out his brain, it is like instant change. Me, I have to work it over in my brain logically, emotionally, spiritually, and I NEVER stop talking about wanting to change. Gradually, I can take baby-steps and accomplish minimal change, but generally speaking, the biggest obstacle to all my change is in the "just do it" motto- I rarely just do it, I always think about it. Anyway, school started nice and slow, which was just plain misleading. I consider myself an intelligent woman and I typically excel in education situations with a minimum of effort. This was completely different. Because it is an online environment, "class attendance" requires you to do more than fill a chair and listen, something I could do very well in a traditional setting and still make a good grade. Now, I am forced to "read" a lecture and then respond to it. This was far more time consuming than any class I've had to sit in. On top of all this- I was required to do the regular weekly work, which generally amounted to somewhere from a hundred to several hundred pages and more responses. I still loved it, I love going to school and I love learning. I know that I can continue "learning" without some fancy degree but I have always been taught that women need a "back-up plan" and should therefore be prepared to have a full-time career at the drop of the hat. This means education. I was prepared to get my bachelor's degree in English or history with an intent to teach. 

The hitch in this plan came when I started to realize that my place was in the home. Verses like Titus 2: 4-5, "That they may teach the young women to be sober, the love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." I hadn't really dwelt long on these verses because they were uncomfortable, but also, despite the reference to blasphemy, I mistakenly thought that they were less than essential. When I think about this verse now, I feel ashamed. I was taking a history class and we were to write an original research paper on any topic we wanted. EVERYTHING that I wanted to write on was nothing to do with history! My topics were all about parenting and mothering, particularly as they pertained to the feminist movement. The problem that I was having is that I would have to convey my paper in a neutral, unbiased manner and on something so important as that, I didn't think that I could really maintain neutrality, especially since I wouldn't be able to use the Bible as a primary reference. This brought up an interesting problem for me: it is currently acceptable to say that you are gay in class, but it is unacceptable to say that you are a Christian. Therefore, I had to couch my REAL opinions in code and generalizations (otherwise I would be warned and then kicked out of class!) I think this is how blasphemy occurs.

 I can keep my witness pure by doing what God designed women to do- be workers at home, being chaste and submissive. These are things that our current culture looks at as an anathema; it is so strange and foreign that it calls attention to it, and through our willing position as homemakers, to God. This should be my goal- to witness to people all around me by my position under authority. It is so different from society that it must be noticed! Going to school and "providing a backup plan" is to accept society's mold for me. It is giving in to trusting myself over God, thinking that just in case God's plan doesn't work out, I have something to fall back on???

I have been so torn over this issue and have cried several times to my husband about feeling like I can't do it all and my constant frustration that the house and the kids are ALWAYS the ones who are sacrificed to my lofty ambitions. Despite all of that, finishing my degree is something that I WANT! It is hard to give it up. Today, I asked my husband (again) for his opinion. In the past he has given me the standard, "Do whatever is right for you." which just kills me because it is the exact opposite of what I am truly looking for. I want his help making the decision. We are all selfish beings and would like our way, but I was beginning to see that "my way" wasn't working. I finally cried to my husband asking for a final decision- what did he think was best. I would listen and submit no matter what, but he did say that he would approve of me dropping out of school, immediately. This potentially has big financial repercussions for us financially, and we aren't really able to bear them, but I know that God is sovereign. I have always been told that when you are following God's will, you have peace. Well, tonight I have relief, and peace. There is that fear of the unknown, the longing for the dream, but also the knowledge that I am doing the right thing for my family, for myself, and for my testimony.

Check out my Other Site!

I have been reading a lot about nutrition lately (again) and I have been needing to diet (again). It is one thing to dress like and act like a lady, but when you are 50+ pounds overweight, even a dress doesn't look very feminine. I know that I have to accept the body that God has given me, but I also know that I am responsible for taking care of it, something I have sadly neglected. My new site is called FISH: Finally, I'm Seeking Health and I will be posting ways that I am attempting to lose weight, my weight and measurements, pictures of progress, health-related articles, anything I can think of to inspire me on my journey. I am open to other contributors, so if you want to lose weight and are looking for a place to post your results, I'd welcome you!