My How Things Have Changed

Did you ever read through an old journal of yours only to realize that you don't recognize the person that you were then? That's how flipping through this blog has been for me this morning.

When I left this blog, I was dresses and skirts ONLY, considering wearing a headcovering full-time, and thought that the only place a woman belonged was in the house. So much has changed, and yet, I'm still the same.

One of my favorite things about God is how He works on us. As we read and study our Bible, new things are revealed to us; out of our obedience we follow them, sometimes blindly. There is always a balance to be had between unfettered growth and pausing to hear the Lord's voice, between growing stagnant and jumping into large changes with minimal amounts of information. So it was for me. I felt like my life had lost its purpose, or at least what purpose I saw, I didn't understand because it held little so little value to me. I dove deeper to find my purpose and along the way, came across some very strange notions- things I have never even considered before.

One of them was that women should only wear dresses or skirts. At first, I thought this was insane. Why on earth would you confine a person to wearing a particular outmoded garment just based on their gender? Then, I began to look around and more importantly, I began to read the opinions of other women who had dealt with this issue, almost all of them had turned to "dresses only." As I looked around me, I began to see that it did make sense, that women should be easily recognizable as feminine. I threw out the pants and made (poorly) some skirts to wear. The transition was difficult, but in time, I grew to love my skirts. I got better at sewing and I really did love the idea of looking pretty and feminine all the time. Now, three years later, my principle has stayed the same, but my application has changed. I do think that women should attempt to put an effort into evaluating both the modesty and femininity of their outfits. I think that dresses and skirts should play a much larger role in my wardrobe. Jeans make me lazy. It is too easy to pull on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and call myself dressed. Now, I own one pair of jeans and quite a few skirts. When I get my body back (since Andrew is holding it hostage for another couple of weeks), I intend to update my wardrobe with some nicer looking, feminine clothing. Pants still play a role, but I think that my focus needs to be on looking feminine. [For more information about why I actually made the transition, including the verses I used to back up my decision, feel free to browse my archives.]

One of the other things I found were whole communities of conservative Christian believers who wore headcoverings or pursued a simple lifestyle. My battle with headcovering still goes on in my head every once in a while. The thing is, I have never heard an argument that convinced me that headcovering was unnecessary, but I have heard several that have convinced me to cover. That being said, I don't cover my hair- why? Because, I am honoring my husband and respecting his headship in this matter. That is what covering your head is all about- to show proper order. God to Jesus to man to woman- see 1 Corinthians 11. Eric does not want me to wear a headcovering right now, but should his opinion on the subject change one day, I will gladly submit to his authority.

The simple life is even easier. As I searched for "like-minded people" that both desired their women to wear skirt and headcovers, I found these staunchly religious people who believed that God wanted them to deny many of the current conventions of our society and live an agrarian lifestyle, as close to the land as possible. I admit, that this too, held some allure for me. I felt like my life was going nowhere and thought that this big change was going to be the ticket. I was ready to pack up and move to Texas to camp out while Eric built our house from scratch and raise chickens and farm and use an outhouse. Thankfully, Eric refused. I still have some lingering ideas from this study. I believe that, as Christians, we are called to be good stewards of the earth, which means not wasting our natural resources and not harming the planet when there are better ways. I will eat organic food as my budget allows and I am planning on using cloth diapers (and transition to other cloth products instead of typical paper disposables like tissues, paper towels, and napkins). I would LOVE to have chickens in my backyard and grow some of my own produce. I think this is fun and is mainly a way to help my family live like good stewards while actually saving some money for the family.

As for women staying in the home...well that has changed too, but it is the hardest battle I have fought. I do think that women should be the "keepers at home" that we read about in Titus. However, I am also beginning to think that staying at home and keeping the home are different. Despite the fact that I will have a young baby this fall, I am still planning on going back to school to finish my degree. For our family, this is a financial decision. The VA is paying for me to go back to school so for our family, this is the best choice. I won't have this ability for long. I would love to go back to homeschooling my kids and staying at home, but for now, I am learning how to be the most efficient homemaker possible so that when I am forced to leave the house, I am ready for it.

So much change, so much study, only to change again. I think that God puts me into different positions to consider them carefully and to learn to rely on Him and His word above the conventions of society or whatever feels good or right to me. Sometimes, that has taken me down a crazy rabbit trail, but at the beginning and end, I see God. Lately, I've been seeing how I've become judgmental of people who have not made some of these choices. God has been revealing to me how "un-Godlike" that is in me- that it is, plain and simple, sin. I have a feeling that God is not done with me yet. That's good. My purpose in life is clearer, to be the best wife and mother as I possibly can, to serve God and my family with my whole heart, no matter where I may be, and to glorify God in my actions and point people toward Him.

I am still blogging (infrequently) at my other blog: http://krankemommy.wordpress.com, so check me out there if you want.

Dressing for the Summer

So here we are, the first day of August, summer is in full bloom and women who would otherwise dress modestly are finding excuse after excuse to not wear beautiful, long, flowing garments. I think the heat issue boils down to what is socially acceptable. In the 1800s, when they had a scorching week (like those in the Pacific Northwest have been having lately) they had no alternative. They couldn't strip out of their clothes and run around half-naked so they had to figure out what to do to keep themselves cool. They could stay out of the sun, wear light colored clothes, wear a hat, and stay well hydrated. They had the joy in knowing that this too shall pass while they fanned themselves with homemade fans and ate things that cooled them off.

Today, when it gets warm, we think we need to remove clothing, because it is socially acceptable to do so. This way, we don't need to be as inconvenienced by the seasons. Unlike the extremely seasonal lives of our ancestors, our lives run year-long, not offering any variation based on the season. We are spoiled by air conditioning and heating systems as well as our recreational activities.

We assume that the only way to cool down is to remove clothing (or wear less of them)- that it is the inherent properties in clothing that are making us overly warm. This isn't always the case though. Think about it, have you ever sat in a car wearing something black? I have, I was wearing a new black skirt and the sun was shining right on my lap and I was frying. My mother offered me her white sweater and I refused saying it would just make me hotter. However, eventually I gave in and you know what? It made me cooler! Adding a white layer actually reflected the sun enough that I could feel a difference. There is a reason that you see women's clothing from older time periods in white. We rarely wear white these days, even pastels aren't really "in fashion" but for summer clothes, white is essential. Now, I am a plus sized woman and the thought of draping myself in white is not appealing, so for now, I try to stick to cotton because it breathes, and as light a color as I dare to go, especially on top. It really does help!

AND DRINK LOTS OF WATER!!! Sweat is your body's own air conditioning, if you are not hydrated, it doesn't work. Common sense applies even if you are wearing tank tops and cut-offs or a beautiful flowing dress- stay out of the sun and keep covered when you are in the sun!!!

What to Wear?

Dressing for a Walk

I have been following Lady Lydia's blog, Living at Home, for a long time but lately she has been doing a series on modest and feminine clothing reflected in older artwork and how to apply that to our daily wardrobes. It has been an excellent source of inspiration for me. I have always been dependent on current fashion to dictate both the style and fabric. I thought that I was choosing things that I liked, but really, I wasn't. Now I have several dresses to make with less than thrilling fabric, but that's okay. They are still nice and will be pretty.

So with the school year coming up, even though we are still smack dab in the middle of summer, I have been trying to figure out what dresses I am going to make for fall and winter. I will probably start with a summer weight dress, but only one. I also need to be sewing for my daughter too. Basically, I have enough sewing to keep me busy for a long time!

Here is my sewing list:

Daughter (Jordyn):

2 Summer dresses for her birthday in August

2 Corduroy dresses for fall/winter

2 Cotton long-sleeve dresses

2 Full slips

5 pairs of modesty shorts/capris

2 knee length bloomers out of flannel

3 winter nightgowns

WHEW!!!

Self:

Brown skirt (already cut out)

Blue skirt

2-3 Blouses

1 Summer Dress

3 Fall/Winter Dresses

3 Full slips

1 Half slip

5 Pairs of bloomers

1-2 Pairs of flannel bloomers

3 Nightgowns

Among all of that, I have several little projects, a handbag (or two or three...), these cute crayon roll-up bags, a couple of stuffed animals and dolls for Christmas gifts and I would also like to make my children each a new quilt for their bed for Christmas. Yes, I am already thinking about what to do for Christmas. I don't know if we'll do Santa Claus this year. It really disturbs me that I am required to do a substantial amount of lying to my children just for the "fun" of it, but we'll see what the husband thinks. Feel free to weigh in on the topic.

I suppose what I am trying to say is: I have a ton of sewing to do!! I love reading progress reports, so I will probably try to post some as well, with pictures. I doubt that those items will be enough to get us completely through the winter, but it shouldn't be too difficult to make a dress here or there once I've gotten into a good routine. I am still looking for an easier dress pattern to make for my daughter (with no buttons or zippers) because I am rarely buying everything for the dress in one stop and I don't like having to wait to find matching buttons or zippers. It's much easier if the pattern is just simple! I just found this one, which comes with two different sleeve options and looks easy.

She Reads a Letter at Her Dressing Table

What I really need now is to carve out some time in my schedule to sew. It shouldn't be terribly difficult because of my current living situation, but it will require me to sacrifice nights lounging around the TV and most likely, my sacrosanct naptime as well. Hopefully, it will be worth it in the end, to know that I have created two wardrobes for my family and moved on to the Christmas gifts...

Fun Challenges

In church today we discussed "perfection" using the first few verses of James 1. That whole notion of counting it all joy when you face trials and tribulation wasn't what I wanted to hear this morning (err, yesterday morning...it's late!) but it was, as always, a well-timed sermon. So speaking of challenges, despite the constant turmoil of living here, which I know is producing good fruit in my life through the working of the Holy Spirit, I have decided to attempt two different challenges.

The most recent is a home cleaning challenge and you can find the initiator here. I have decided to go through and "spring clean" several areas. Living as I do, in an extended family situation, there are always other people around to help keep things tidy, but there are areas that have been neglected, so I'd like to tend to those.

1. Living room- all that unwanted stuff that collects because you forget to remove it, along with a good vacuuming and window washing.

2. Kitchen- scrubbing the floors, clean out fridge, reorganize pantry and cabinets.

3. Dining Room- mostly the downstairs bathroom and the game closet, which is a wreck.

4. Master Bedroom- suffice it to say, this is the messiest room in the house, and it should not be that way!

5. Back Room- that evil, tiny, multi-purpose room.

6. Garage- where all our leftover junk is stored. Q: Where is that thing that I had when we used to live there? A: I don't know honey, look in the garage. Q: Where is it, in that garage? A: Who knows...see ya next week though, if the spiders don't carry you off first. Sigh.

Hopefully, I will be able to take (and POST) pictures of my progress. I fully expect this challenge to take two weeks. Though my list is pretty short, some of these projects are multi-day types, like my bedroom for example. It should be really nice to get everything clean and tidy, and (gasp) keep it clean, in theory. I have a related resource that I will be reading during these next few weeks called, Home Comforts, which is really a manual on how to keep your home. I found it at my library after two different recommendations. I reserved some "crafty" books as well just to "try them out."

Okay, so the next challenge is much more fun. It involves feminine dressing. I know that not everyone agrees on what is "modest" and what is not, but when we take the time to address modesty in light of femininity, things take an interesting turn. I have been a big fan of Mrs. Sherman's website, Living at Home, for a long time now, even though I don't always agree with everything she says, does, or suggests. However, I love what she has been doing lately. She has been taking older painting that show the feminine clothing of the past and pulling from them inspiration that she translates into something slightly more modern and wearable. Among all these posts have been little nuggets on sewing tips, dressing tips, modesty tips and so on. She prefers for her comments to be anonymous, so there is really a feeling that you can ask whatever you want and not be shamed. I have really become almost addicted to this series (hence the need for the first challenge!). So, she hasn't issued an official challenge per say, but I will endeavor to take pictures of myself during these two weeks spent cleaning so that you can see my feminine wardrobe change as I add new pieces.

One subject I need some help with is hair dressing. If anyone knows some tips or tricks on what to do with medium length thin hair, let me know! I can't stand hair in my face and it is just too hot to leave it down (we get to about 100 degrees these days...with no air conditioning!) I would love to look into older styles, but I really need simple!

***edited to add: I have found another great website for Christian women, called What Women Never Hear and it is a collection of articles geared toward the modern woman written by a man. The few things I have read are very interesting.

The Coolest Things Ever!

I was doing my typical morning procrastination reading of my favorite blogs and Lillibeth over at The Pleasant Times (which is, by the way, a charming and entertaining blog to read) had blogged about the rabbit trails she takes while homeschooling. What was so cool is that she mentioned LibriVox's website which is an entirely free website for audio books within the public domain. They are read by volunteers and are therefore, FREE! (They also have the link to the Gutenburg website if you like reading on the screen...I don't.)

Though that it cool enough, it doesn't necessarily explain the need for a post except that we are moving and will be travelling a long distance with one adult per car. That means that I need to have a good supply of music and something entertaining to listen to while I drive...or I fall asleep! I have been looking for inexpensive versions of some of my favorite classics, but I just can't find them. The one copy of Pride and Prejudice that I found was $45.00!!! For an audio book??? I had just about given up because I didn't want to pay for a monthly membership or anything like that. I am not normally in my car for long hours, so listening to audio books isn't in my normal routine...though it might become part of it now! As we speak err, write/read, I am downloading two versions (of P & P) into my iTunes as a podcast and I plan on downloading everything else written by Jane Austen and then I will go exploring. Lillibeth had mentioned Dickens, which would be interesting since Dickens was meant to be read aloud so perhaps I'll try Oliver Twist or something. Anyway, lots of fun on that website! Check it out!!!

The second coolest thing I found the other day....I know, how on earth do I have time for such things? It's a mystery to me as well...is this Modest Clothing Directory. It is a really good website that caters to all different groups searching for modest clothing (Jewish, Islamic, Mormon, Plain, and Christians). They have links for headcovers and for clothing. I haven't even been able to explore the whole thing, but I am looking around for something special to fit into once I lose all this weight and though my sister's choice of bridesmaid dress is there as well, I still want something of my own choosing to use as a reward. So, I have been searching for something pretty and modest that I can buy when I have lost this extra weight. (There are also pregnancy sites and plus size sites too...). All in all, it's worthy of a bookmark and I will be using it in the future for my clothing and my daughter's as well!

Politics and Religion

I am not fond of discussing politics overly much. I always feel inadequate to carry on a conversation. I rarely have all the data, but with the information I do have, I make the best decision I can.

Though the votes are not all in, it is obvious that Obama is to be the next President of my nation. I am unhappy with this decision on a political level- I disagree (and vehemently) with many of his policies. I think he is the wrong candidate for the position but what I think doesn't matter. In what is perhaps, the first (major) time in my life, I can let go. Obama's policies are liberal at best, communist at worst. I can either wring my hands and fret or I can trust God in His ability to work all things together for good. These next four years are probably going to be extremely upsetting to Christians, especially conservative ones. I can be thankful that God is in control. Now I know to watch the sky and pray, for surely the day is coming.

I have always found it interesting that America is not in the Bible. The Book of Mormon added an entire account of the Americas and though I believe that the Book of Mormon is a false doctrine, I think its funny that Americans have always wanted to put their stamp on the map, but in the greatest Book of all time, we aren't there.

Anyway, Jess over at Making Home has a post about how we are to pray for our leaders, even ones we don't agree with. I commit to praying for our current President, be it Democrat or Republican for as long as I live. I probably won't pray everyday, but I will pray when I think of it throughout my week because a prayer is more powerful than a vote!

These are just my thoughts for today. In other, completely unrelated, news: I finished sewing a skirt today and plan on making several more over the next few weeks. I bought a new pair of boots at Wal-Mart for less than $20 and they promptly gave my blisters on my heels. Anyone know how to prevent blisters? These boots must last through this winter and quite possibly, next one too. I will take pictures when my wardrobe is complete!

The Heart of the Matter

(This post began as a response to Anastasia-Jane's comment on my "My Issue with the Issues" post but it was just too long to post...and too important, so I've posted it here!)

I have always been one to give in to peer pressure, whether good or bad and for the longest time, I have always wanted to just fit in to a group. I have never fit into a group before and I don't make friends easily or keep them long when I do. I think all of that "baggage" is what is preventing me from seeing what is right in front of my face!

I don't look good in long skirts, I am about 75 pounds overweight and skirts are just NOT flattering when you are heavy. Sure, dresses can hide little indiscretions here and there, but they only work to accentuate the extra weight I'm carrying around. However, despite the fact that I look poorly in them, I have felt called to wear them. I feel better when I wear long skirts and I like it when my daughter does too. Frankly, at my weight dresses and skirts are just more comfortable because there is less pulling and tugging going on. So, for now, I am settling on the comfortable, God-honoring, modest, but completely unfashionable and unattractive skirts and dresses. As I lose the weight (see my other blog!) I hope to be able to begin to look nice in dresses again. I know I will once the weight is gone, and I'll probably look better than I would in pants!!!

I know I've said a lot already but when you said that "God would lay in on your heart to change," it made me think of what God is teaching me. I am learning about all of these different "conservative" approaches and I have tried them all with varying degrees of "success" but the real lesson isn't in putting on a particular garment (skirt or headcovering) it is in my ATTITUDE, my heart that reveals what I am truly wearing. Whether I am wearing pants or a skirt, when I confront my husband over an issue, I disrespect his authority over me and disgrace my Father in heaven. I am learning so much about my place in the world, in society, in the home and under God. These things have been HARD for me to learn because it isn't as easy as putting on a dress! I wish it was...but God is working on changing my heart. I praise Him for this stressful time because I know He is changing me into the woman that he wants me to be! My husband has already noticed a difference in my attitude toward him when I am wearing pants and when I am wearing skirts.

As I try to take it one day at a time, I am realizing that wearing these unattractive outfits keeps the vanity off of myself. I don't have to fret about my "butt looking big in these jeans" because I'm not wearing jeans, I am wearing a modest dress or skirt. Sure, I am looking wider than I actually am, but I can give that to God. He has created me just as I am and loves all my curves, even the ones I want to get rid of! See, it's really a heart issue. I have been complaining about my hair lately because it isn't long and beautiful like so many other women. I want it to be long and beautiful and either straight or curly. My hair can't decide what to be and just ends up frizzy, I get frustrated with it in the morning and am tempted to whine and complain...this is my heart!!! I am now turning to thanks all my complaints. "I hate scrubbing toilets! Thank you Lord that I have indoor plumbing, that my son is still too young to make cleaning around the side an arduous task. Thank you Lord that you have given me hands to work that I might bless my family with them." And so goes my day. This can only be the Lord changing me. Oh, how I want to be changed!!! "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10 KJV

My Issue with the Issues

When I first started this conservative Christianity journey, like I have said before, I was really skeptical of the whole thing. I didn’t understand the claims or positions of the different groups. One thing I have found since discovering Conservatism that disturbs me is the number of ways to “classify” a person. Perhaps I am still looking in on a totally foreign concept, but I almost feel like I am changing religions, that I can now be in the ranks of “super-Christians” or some other such nonsense. I have noticed (at least) four groups of people who move in these conservative circles: one, the KJV only believers, two, the modesty and femininity are the hallmarks of the female species, women and girls wear exclusively long(ish) skirts or dresses, and three, women (and girls) shall keep their heads covered at all times and four, always home school. Along with these four main topics there seem to be at least a few other issues like diet and church preference that further divide us.

I look at all these topics, not because I disagree and find fault in these issues, but because I agree with these issues and find fault in their practice. I know (or at least I am very confident) that none of these women’s blogs would argue that any of those things are essential for salvation, which rules out “legalism” as a method for adding anything except grace through faith in Jesus Christ for salvation, but I wonder about legalism in the way we live our lives. Is it purely from the Bible or is it a way to unnaturally separate ourselves from the world and be proud of it?

I am really fighting this: am I wearing modest (long) skirts and dresses out of submission to my husband (who doesn’t care if I wear pants) and God who declares that I should be MODEST/CHASTE and FEMININE? Is a long skirt the only way to accomplish both of those things? Can I wear a well-cut, not skin-tight, pair of pants and a nice blouse and still be feminine? Am I wearing those clothes merely to be different and to be accepted by a particular group in society? I want to throw out my pants; I only wear them because they are easy and “modern” so I won’t make other people uncomfortable by my appearance (like my mom, for example). I want to dress my daughter in pretty feminine clothes, but she wears mostly pants. How does all this dress-wearing work in winter? We are moving from Washington state (semi-mild winter) to Colorado (not so mild winter) and we are moving in JANUARY!!!

Then I look at the King James Only debate and while I was completely convinced not too long ago, I have since begun to think differently. I DO find the KJV harder to understand. Yes, the words themselves are simpler, but the order of the words makes it difficult to understand the sentence. I read the NKJV, as does the pastor at my church and I enjoy it. My version pulls from both the “oldest” text that the NIV uses and the more historical version that the KJV uses, in the notes whenever the texts disagree, the NKJV translators included an asterisk and then writes out what the other version said. If I am unsure about something, I will usually take it to the KJV because I do believe in the historicity of the text forming the KJV. However, I did ask my sister who took the Christian Apologetics Master program at Biola University and her belief is that the only infallible Word of God is the original language and that the translations that we use are still useful for doctrine and correction but as they are translations cannot be considered in the same class as the inspired word of God. We know there are mistakes in the KJV, sure many of them were typos, but how many misprints are in the original text? None. I don’t mind using the KJV and I don’t care for the NIV or any of the ultra modern New Living Translation because I think they inhibit a person from truly understanding. When you don’t have to think when you read, you can easily pass over a passage, but when you have to work at understanding it, your brain recalls better. See? I’m up in the air here as well. This one feels a little less “important” because it is a pretty private issue, I think. It is easier to keep this decision between God and me.

Then we have head covering. I used to think that women should cover, but I kept going back and forth and while I think that it can be beneficial, I don’t think that at this time, God is calling either me or my daughter to cover our hair, our bodies, yes.

Finally, home schooling. Honestly, this is my plan, but I am having my doubts about whether I can do it. This is supposed to be my “test” year because Jordyn is in preschool right now. I am doing NOTHING. It seems like she is learning NOTHING!!! Perhaps, if we are in a good school district, we will try Kindergarten for her. She is really excited about “going to school” and I think she would like it. My daughter has a tendency to be shy and she doesn’t really have other kids to talk to, so school might be good for her. I know what I want. I want to use The Well-Trained Mind and give my kids a great academic life. What I am doing is letting them watch countless hours of Dora and all her Nick Jr. buddies. How do I get there?

One trend I am noticing is that I need to “fix myself” first. I think God is working hard on me now because so many aspects of my life have been either put under a microscope or thrown into the flames. I can only come out better since God has begun a good work in me and will be faithful to finish it! Praise the Lord for that or all these musings would be depressing indeed!!!

Tomorrow's Plans

I have a lot to do tomorrow. Now that I have all but dropped out of school, I am feeling so much less burden and so much more peace. I really want to finish my degree, but not at the price I was paying. Anyway, the state I have been in has allowed me to become more lax with my housework, so tomorrow is going to be a push-start day for me.

I hope to:

-do all my dirty dishes (there are A LOT!!!)

-go to the gym, working out needs to come higher up for me at this time in my life

-straighten living room and vacuum, process the paperwork that's piling up

-scrub bathroom

-complete load of laundry and fold and hang my "leftovers"

I don't plan on wearing myself out, just my normal morning and afternoon cleaning, plus the dishes and laundry, which "don't count." In addition to the things I purpose to do, I would like to do some sewing. I haven't found any decent dresses or skirts in my price range for my size, so I have purchased a significant amount of material (it's enough for my wardrobe) and its not doing me any good folded in my basket(s). I also bought some crushed velvet for our Christmas outfits. I am looking forward to taking a really nice Christmas picture as a family since it has been a long time since we have taken one. Hopefully, I can get the outfits sewn and the pictures taken and developed in time to put in our Christmas cards! In addition to tackling my sewing pile, I am working on a new two-week meal plan following this new diet I am trying based on the book Perfect Weight America by Jordan Rubin. His book is fantastic and I would recommend it to anyone. He uses many of Sally Fallon's recipes from her book Nourishing Traditions and I love his plan, but always find it hard to shift to that lifestyle, even though I know it is better for me. (Check out my other site, F.I.S.H, to watch my journey!)

I was hoping to do the dishes tonight, but I might just read my Bible and then head to bed!

My Journey, So Far

It has been almost two months since I have begun this journey into Biblical Womanhood. It is so amazing to me how many "accidents" and "coincidences" that have helped shape my journey. It all started with homeschooling. My daughter has only just turned four, but I knew when she was born that I wanted the best education for her. I thought that the best I could offer was to send her to private school and I even found the one that I would send her to. It wasn't until I moved to this area (Olympia, WA) that I found people that recommended homeschooling as a way of life. As soon as the thought popped into my head, I was hooked. My very first homeschooling book was So You're Thinking About Homeschooling, by Lisa Whelchel. I think she does a great job of explaining and showing the different ways to homeschool as well as link you to places that can give you better information. I think by far, it is the best book to give someone who is THINKING about homeschooling. I plan on purchasing it for each of my sisters. As I read it, I honed in on classical education. I bought The Well-Trained Mind and scoured it. I attacked it with a highlighter and made charts and graphs galore. By now, my daughter was a year old, but I was ready to start preschool. [Unfortunately, all my motivation came to naught when I found that the television caters to young children. We have been trying to break Mommy's addiction ASAP.] I started to spread my wings as I looked back through Whelchel's book and saw Trivium Pursuit listed. I didn't like the site and brushed it off as "antiquated" and ignored the idea for several years. It was always lingering in my mind so after rereading Whelchel's book again several months ago, I decided that I must homeschool and I approached Trivium Pursuit again. I bought their book, Teaching the Trivium, and began to read it. I was evaluating everything against my "homeschooling bible" which was WTM. However, as I committed to reading the book, even though it just didn't seem like it was written for this generation, an interesting thing happened.

The Bluedorns recommended a book called The Mother At Home which was written in the 1800s. I decided to purchase it, since I knew that I was struggling with my purpose at home. However, I ordered through amazon.com and they like to sell extra books and on the site for The Mother At Home was another book, Passionate Housewives, Desperate for God, by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald. Since I wanted free shipping and liked the catching title, I bought it as well. It was my husband's last day home for a month because of time to be served with the National Guard when my books came, but I was ashamed about purchasing them (because I didn't ask first) and tried to hide them. I was about as effective as Adam and Eve in the garden, but to my surprise, my husband wasn't upset. When I looked at the back cover, I found that Jennie Chancy was the founder of Ladies Against Feminism, which I mocked and that Stacy McDonald was the author of a book called Maidens of Virtue, I mocked her even further. After all, I had always called myself an "anti-feminist" because after my college class in "Women's History" I became convinced that all feminism did was trap women further than they ever had been in the past. That was not the popular opinion even though I was attending a Catholic School, run by Benedictine monks! However, maidens...ladies...virtue...skirts??? I was both intrigued and offended by what I was reading, but the intrigue won out. During the month of my husband's absence, I realized that my position as the "head" of the house had to change, and fast since just months before, we were very seriously talking about divorce- we had started to divide furniture and debt. It was incredibly humbling to see that I was the cause of the friction in the marriage. His biggest complaint? I didn't clean the house even though I stayed at home all day with our children. Yes, I was ready to divorce my husband because I didn't want someone to tell me when to clean house and how well to do it!!! Praise the Lord, He knocked some sense into me!!!

The "start here" page on LAF is really where I began with my Biblical womanhood journey. I read about modesty standards, but wasn't really too convinced because I had always considered myself to be a modest dresser. The biggest push came from the word "feminine" because I wasn't really encouraged to go that direction. The day I saw a VERY modestly dressed woman at the coffee shop sticks out in my mind. The was dressed in a loose-fitting (but not baggy) t-shirt and just above the knee length shorts. She was wearing athletic shoes and her hair was cut extremely short. Truly, there was nothing immodest about her outfit, according to the way I was judging modesty. What she completely lacked was femininity. This resonated deeply with me because I did not dress like a woman either. I spent some time talking on the phone with my husband who surprised me by supporting the decision, though he specifically said that often times, women's skirts are LESS modest than the jeans, to which I agreed and reassured him that that would not be the case with my skirts. One of the best articles I read at that time was an article called Modesty: Is it all in our dress? which really got me because it is very easy to ADD things, but Biblical Womanhood calls for the losing of oneself, no that is incorrect, Christianity calls for the sacrificing of oneself, women are just privileged enough to get to practice this principle in their own home among those who love them!

Anyway, to stop this story from getting any longer- where am I today? I have just received three new dress patterns from Common Sense Patterns and I am eager to begin purchasing fabric and sewing my fall and winter wardrobe. I have quite a few projects that are already under way, two long skirts to make, four dresses for my daughter, and enough fabric for two dresses and two underskirts. I have fabric coming out of my ears and yet, I am still eager to buy more. Wearing skirts (for I don't have any dresses yet) has been really difficult, more so that I thought. I am not worried about the people I meet in Wal-Mart as they have very little pull on my life. However, the people I am influenced by, like my parents and sisters, and of course, husband, are more likely to respond to the way I am dressing verbally, but they are also some of the people who are having a hard time adjusting to my change. Praise the Lord because my husband supports my decision and though he doesn't find my clothing "sexy" he also admits that that is a very good thing for clothing to be. He is very honest and tells me when he doesn't particularly care for something. It seems like his opinions are gradually getting more "old-fashioned" as I begin to wear more modest, feminine clothes. There are people who don't agree with me and it does make life more difficult, however, I am enjoying even the difficult times because I am able to go back and remember why I am doing what I am doing and I can take comfort in the word of God.

Modesty and the Olympics

Boy has this modesty subject really turned my life around!!! I was happy and content wearing snug-fitting blue jeans and t-shirts. My shirts aren't incredibly low-cut, but they are low enough to need caution when bending down. However, I have always taken pride in how modest I dress comparatively. Now my notions seem to be tumbling down around me! My mother and I (along with my two children) visited the zoo the other day and I was shocked at what I was seeing. Women with no bras, insane amounts of skin revealed, outfits that are specifically designed to show off the female figure. I am sure that my mom was tired of me commenting on the immodesty of the people at the zoo that day, but she wisely held her tongue until we were in the car later that day. My mom has been the most vocal about my changes but I expected that. Actually, I am very impressed with how well my mom is staying silent about my choices but I get the feeling that she is just waiting for it to all blow over, as many of my ideas and commitments have in the past. Lately, our conversation has centered around the Olympics, which brings a welcome "easy topic" to the subject list....or does it?

I am feeling a little bit like a hypocrite on this subject matter. I don't think that all swimsuits are immodest. I think that a well-cut Speedo type suit is perfectly modest, though many would say that it isn't modest at all and I would agree with them too. I love watching gymnastics; it is my favorite sport in the world. As I watched the events this year, I kept seeing these young women's rear ends hanging out of the side of the leotard. Not only was this unattractive but the camera had a way of focusing (probably because of the angles due to the elevated platforms) on all these spots! Then comes the question, okay, so it's immodest. Now what? Do you prevent any activity in that sport because the uniform is immodest? Gymnastics is one of the oldest sports around, though I suppose that it hasn't always been the women in the events. 

After thinking it all through I am prepared to be on the conservative side of "mainstream" and just specify that the modesty within a particular sport but evaluated from within the sport. This makes sense to me because a bathing suit (even a modest Speedo) is not appropriate to go to Wal-Mart in. However,  modest suit at the swimming pool does not attract attention and I think that is the key. I would say that it would be extremely appropriate to attempt to train with same-sex training partners and coaches and I would specify that an immediate cover-up is also appropriate when in mixed company. However, I wouldn't go so far as to completely avoid ALL sports that compromise our normal standards of feminine dress and modesty. There are plenty of subtle ways to be feminine and modest even when participating in sports that necessitate an immodest uniform.

There is another reason for all these thoughts, in addition to the Olympics....though it's a long one. I truly want to get pregnant again, but for my health and the baby's health, my husband and I have agreed to wait until I lose a significant amount of weight. Mostly we are waiting more on the establishment of a healthy lifestyle and habits rather than the arbitrary numbers on the scale but I have long been feeling like I needed to set a specific goal. That is wear triathlon comes in. While gymnastics is my favorite sport, I have absolutely no hopes of ever performing more than a cartwheel. I really enjoy tennis, but it is difficult to "work out" for tennis without a partner. I really do enjoy swimming however, and biking, and running (or at least I did when I could actually run). Combining those three seemed to be a good combination of everything that I needed: a physically active goal, an independent sport, and inherent variety. So, now I am going to be attempting to train for a triathlon on top of everything else. The GREAT news is that as I am just a beginner, I can wear my modest workout pants while running or biking, and a suit and shorts for swimming. 

So, now I turn my thoughts to anyone else's. What do you consider to be appropriate exercise for a woman attempting to stay modest? Important to note is that I am not trying to lose 10 pounds, I am trying to lose 50+. So, am I being hypocritical by wearing dresses to Wal-Mart and a Speedo in the pool? (Luckily the head covering isn't as large as issue because it is essential to wear a swimming cap in the pool, a helmet on the bike, and okay to wear a hat during the run...however, those things might cover the head, but that doesn't make them headcovers, does it? Suggestions?

"Slack"ing Off

I thoroughly love the idea of wearing skirts and dresses all the time, but the last few days have been difficult. It started on Thursday, when I wore pants to Wal-Mart. The feeling wasn't pleasant, and I happily wore a skirt on Friday. I had planned to finish sewing a skirt on Friday and then wear it. I didn't sew on Friday, but since I was already wearing a skirt, I just pushed my plans to Saturday. My mom usually takes my kids for me on the first Saturday of every month because she loves the Home Depot Free Project as well as spending time with her grandkids. Well, although the day started off slower than normal, I did manage to spend plenty of time sewing my skirt...but I never finished it!!! I needed white thread for a particular seam and though I had a bobbin full, I couldn't find the spool anywhere!!! When it was time to pick up the kids, I was forced to pull on my jeans again to pick them up. I went "all out" in my old fashion- jeans, t-shirt, athletic shoes. I was surprised to remember how comfortable my running shoes are, maybe I will work out more. All in all, I was dressed extremely casually and though I had my moments where I wished I had been in a skirt, I still felt okay.

Today was different. Today is Sunday, the Lord's Day. I attend an extremely casual church and though I absolutely love their Bible teaching, I sometimes feel like I should be dressed up more for church. In the past, there has been nothing to distinguish my "Sunday" clothes from the rest- I just wear whatever is clean, also known as jeans and a t-shirt. Even though it is summer, my Pacific Northwest home is still undecided about its season. Today, we had gray skies and what looked like a chilly day. The past two days have been cold enough that I had to get sweatshirts for my kids to play outside. I didn't have any long skirts clean, the only two skirts I did have were knee-length. I didn't have any tights or hose that fit (it is extremely difficult to find good quality pantyhose when you are a plus-size!!!) and on top of that, I don't have any shoes that I can wear with hose! I was exasperated because I did want to wear a skirt to church. I suppose I should have gone in my skirt with my sandal-heels and just worn a sweater, but I asked my husband's opinion and he told me to wear jeans. I did.

The problem is that unlike yesterday, at the end of the day I wasn't displeased with my outfit. I am wearing my "dress" jeans, if in fact that is possible, and I tried to wear a nice shirt, I curled my hair and put on a little make-up. Then, I wore my sandal-heels to feel dressier. I felt good about myself. It makes me question if what I have been thinking about (wearing dresses exclusively) is actually a good thing. I don't want to stand out so far that people are repulsed by me and I always get the feeling when I am looking at a skirt or dress for someone my size that it resembles more of a tent than a garment. Am I alone in these thoughts? There are so many very pretty and feminine things out there, I just feel like, because I am overweight, that they don't look either pretty nor feminine on me. I think that they just look like I am trying to be Amish (or Mennonite or Hutterite) and though I am a Christian, I am not any of those and do not particularly desire to be identified as one. I sincerely wish that wearing dresses was more culturally acceptable because that would make wearing them infinitely easier.

Modest Comfort

Today was the first day since beginning my "dresses/skirts" only philosophy that I have worn a pair of pants even when I had skirts clean. I was planning on wearing a skirt, in fact, I even ironed it. I was excited about it. But, I delayed getting ready (my biggest problem in the morning is just starting my morning) and so it was evening by the time I was getting dressed for the day. I was headed to Wal-Mart to buy a particular dress pattern and hopefully some cheap fabric to go with it. The dress pattern looks like it will make an easy day/work dress and if I use a light material, I can also wear it as a full-slip, which is something I have been looking at getting anyway. In fact, I will probably purchase some silky material soon to make a white version with lace across the top, which will show out of some of my shirts, keeping me modest and still pretty! Anyway, that's really the point. The point is, that I put on clothing that I would normally have thrown on and I felt so awful the whole time! I was self-conscious about my clothing, particularly how tight my jeans were. I always end up staring at [large] women who wear tight clothing and still seem somehow oblivious that every dip and pucker shows through the relatively thick denim material that is so popular.

Last night, we picked Mom up at the airport and I chose to wear my long brown skirt. At the airport bathroom, I was able to clearly see myself for the first time because they have a full-length mirror. I admit that my reflection didn't look as well as I have been picturing but nevertheless, I felt less self-conscious wearing a long-flowing skirt than I did wearing pants to Wal-Mart. I hope that this dress pattern is easy to sew and looks decent. I am really looking forward to getting some different dresses. The hardest part is picking a material that is going to look pleasant and still be sturdy or finding something that covers me well while still being pretty. Choosing fabric is difficult and I have a feeling that I am going to need a lot of yards for each dress, so I will need to be extra careful to pick only fabrics that are on sale...now that's a challenge!!! I should set a standard that I will never pay more than $5.00 a yard for any fabric. Denim and "bottom-weights" tend to be expensive, but they usually go on sale frequently. Finding the right mix should prove to be an exciting challenge for me. More than anything, I hope that Eric likes the new wardrobe and gets used to it easily. Dresses and skirts really are more comfortable than pants.

I Feel Pretty...and Other Notes on my Wardrobe

Sometimes I wonder if the word "pretty" is slowly being removed from the English language in connection with humans. It seems to me like women have truly been forbidden to wear pretty things. Just watching people at the store has been an eye opener. What women feel comfortable shopping in is amazing. We have quite an "eclectic" group in Olympia and seeing the outfits that these young women put together makes me worry about woman-kind in general. At first I was skeptical when the authors of the Ladies Against Feminism were talking about women walking around being proud to look like sloppy men, but now I am seeing some of the truth behind their words. The other day, as I was battling the skirts/dresses=modesty concept, I saw a woman who was very modestly dressed; she was wearing near knee length shorts and a tucked in t-shirt with ankle socks and tennis shoes. While there was nothing sloppy in her appearance, nor anything unmodest, the thought I had while attempting to justify her dress (as modest) was "but it's NOT feminine." The more I look around the more I see that women today have traded "feminine" for "comfortable" and they are just as trapped by it as our ancestors were by long skirts.

I have been wearing primarily skirts for a week now and I am truly happy about it. I am enjoying the feminine feeling. I want to make some dresses now. Dresses are (probably) so much easier than skirts because you only need one thing to have a complete outfit. The only major problem I know of when it comes to dresses is that they have a tendency to look frumpy when worn casually. Since I am not dressing for the ball, I want a practical wardrobe and though there are many dresses that qualify, most of them look so unfashionable and frumpy that I wouldn't want to wear it! I suppose that, as with everything, the fabric makes a huge difference and the small floral prints that are on all these dresses is a little TOO feminine for me right now. I enjoy the dresses and skirts and I have even made a slightly "frumpy" skirt, which I intended to be an everyday style skirt that I could pull on when nothing else was clean. It will achieve that very well. Now I want to extend my wardrobe by including some dresses in the same manner...something I can wear when there is nothing else to wear. I still have three skirts to make from the material I already have, so i will just make those first. The other thing that I am lacking in my wardrobe are the shirt staples. I have a few shirts (enough for a summer wardrobe) but nothing that is "lasting" or quality work. I am hoping to buy a good quality pattern to use for my shirt. Two of the skirts that I want to make are going to need specific shirts to go with them because the color palette is unique. One thing is for certain, I need to find a budget for this new hobby. I couldn't possibly go out and buy an entirely new wardrobe, yet this is what I am trying to do now! I have to incorporate things slowly. Maybe I can buy enough fabric or a pattern once a month. Maybe I should just make do for a little while longer. It's not like we have extra money to spend, even on something I see to be good and worthy. I will probably buy some "summer" fabric in a month or two when it all goes on sale and make some dresses for Jordyn next year. By buying off season fabric, you can usually get a good deal. Plus, there is a fabric store in downtown Olympia and I wonder if the prices there might be better. I don't know what it is like and I'm NOT going to take the kids there for the first time!!! Figuring out how I am going to handle the cold winter months is still up in the air. Not really for me, but for Jordyn. She wore plenty of skirts with tights last winter, but exclusively might be a little much for both of us. Yet another decision to make...

Modest, Feminine Clothing

It was only a few days ago that I received the book (that I ordered) called Passionate Housewives: Desperate for God. The title caught my attention while I was looking for a different book recommended by the book Teaching the Trivium: A Christian Guide to a Classical Education by the Bluedorns. Anyway, the Passionate Housewife book is written by two ladies and the back of the book has a picture of each of their families along with a very short blurb about each. I noticed that while looking somewhat modern, they were all wearing skirts (except the males, obviously) and I began to question that. Then, I looked into the website, www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com, which is edited and managed by one of the authors of the housewife book. It was there that I found for the first "official" time, sites and information dedicated to women who are choosing to wear skirts/dresses exclusively, especially long one (I haven't seen any that are at or above the knee). This idea intrigued me and as I began to consider it I found myself questioning EVERYTHING!!!

The first question was the obvious, why? They claimed verses that speak about women not wearing things of mens and of course, modest clothing. They (seem) to believe that the Bible speaks for women to wear dresses and skirts and a modest length is below the knees. At first I defended myself, saying that my typical wardrobe (jeans and a t-shirt) was rarely if ever, immodest. However, as I thought about it a little more I realized that my jeans are probably a little too tight (and I refuse to go a size up!!!) and my shirts are usually a little too low-cut for me to feel extremely comfortable, but since I have been judging myself against other people, they never seemed too bad. And really, they aren't too bad, but they aren't the best. However, I could still consider myself a modest dresser. One of the things that bothered me was the idea that pants were "mens clothing" because my clothing doesn't come from the men's department and who is to say that pants are exclusively men's domain? Of all the issues, this is the one that I haven't figured out yet.

Their next argument was for the visual separation of men and women, meaning women should embrace their feminine side, with dresses and skirts. This idea probably speaks more to the reasons for skirts than the idea of pants being "mens". I liked this idea very much. As I began to think about it more I realized that I have been suppressing my femininity for a long time because it just isn't acceptable. I feel like I have had people in my life who have shunned feminine things and expect the rest of us to do so also. This was a little bit freeing because as I started to consider my true feelings on the subject, I am not opposed at all to the wearing, primarily, of skirts. I think that pants are still appropriate at times, like heavy labor in the garden and planned physical activity (like going to the gym). However, even those times seems to be less that essential. I think I will always keep a pair of pants (or two) just because.

In my typical fashion, I went to the fabric store and spent a fortune on fabric to make a million different (okay, 5) floor length skirts. I want to make them and I am excited about wearing them, but then I started thinking (always a bad sign...). I have two primary fears: one, that I will look ridiculous in them and instead of looking pretty and feminine, I will look giant and lumpy. The other is that my decision will not be accepted by people close to me (like my mothers and sisters) who don't share the same beliefs. Both of these hinge on being accepted and since I don't feel like there is a strong logic behind this decision, other than the desire to appear more feminine, I feel the attacks would be coming strong and I would be unprepared to face them.

THEN, I did some more research this evening as I was cooking dinner for me and the kids about the idea of skirts and modesty and something struck me: the long skirts are an outward expression of our internal modesty. I liken it to baptism. You don't go get baptized and then hope to become a Christian since you have put on the outward signs; your heart has to change first and then you are willing to put on the outward show because it is a matter of showing your changed life. Dresses and skirts really do that for a woman; they show how her attitude has changed to reveal a humble spirit. I am, and always have been, an "anti-feminist" because I have believed, especially after my "women's history" class, that feminism has trapped women more than the traditional roles of making babies and homes ever did. Today, women are expected to excel at school, go to college, start a career, obtain large quantities of satisfaction from said career, maybe pick up a husband, pump out a few kids, but still keeping the "career-mentality" of sacrificing everything for job. Meanwhile, they are also expected to exploit their sexuality to the best of their ability when necessary and look like a Hollywood model the rest of the time!!! I think I prefer the idea of "just" staying home with my children and being a part of their lives. However, with all my "anti-feminist" thinking, I still got really caught up with the ideas and trends. Even now, there is a part of me that wants to walk away from everything and finish my degree and pursue some satisfying career. How foolish that part of me is!!!

Modesty of spirit is not something I have figured out yet. I hate to be judged a failure by my husband, even when I know full well that it is true. I pick fights constantly and have not yet figured out this "servant's heart" thing. My world revolves around me and I don't like it that way. The Bible says that serving others is a win-win situation. I agree, because the opposite is true: serving self is a lose-lose situation. Me doing whatever I want is not only not improving myself and cultivating plenty of sins, like laziness, selfishness and greed, but the other people that are forced to sacrifice are also hurt by my selfishness, mainly my children. Kids need the love and attention of their parents and being selfish deprives them of every benefit life has to offer.

So how do I change? This is my critical question. I recognize that women who are choosing to wear a long skirt even in the heat of the summer have a dedication to something larger than themselves. This is a good thing. I will make my skirts because NOT making them would be selfish at this point, since I have invested so much money. I won't be fashionable this winter, but maybe I need to take even that focus off myself and realize that looking a little frumpy or old-fashioned in an eternal light is nothing; bringing my children to know the Truth and the Way of the Lord is eternal. Long skirts might just be able to humble my spirit a little...at least I hope they will. I also hope that I enjoy wearing them!!!