Stop in for a Long Visit

Hmm, grab a nice hot cup of coffee or tea (or just water to cool yourself down in the pre-summer heat) and spend a few minutes at my kitchen table. I have freshly baked brownies with hidden spinach and blueberries...No? Why not? Okay, I'll pull out my secret stash of Dove chocolate and we can chat? Milk or dark? 

So many things have been going on (see here or here) that I really have not had time to write. I love writing and always will, but one of my struggles has been properly using my time. I love the saying, "Idle time leads to idol time" because that is really true for me. I love my computer and my "free" time, only my free time is coming at a time that really isn't free. It belongs firstly to my Lord, then my husband and then my children. When I have fulfilled all my obligations in those three areas, then I am allowed free time...that's not what I've been doing!!! Anyway, I see myself blogging once a week or so for the next few months but hopefully, as I learn to manage my time well, I will have more time available for blogging. I have been scheduling my upcoming homeschooling year, planning out the books I'd like to go through and whatnot, establishing a new family routine and schedule along with ChorePacks which are truly awesome! I have also been trying to create a summer wardrobe for me and my daughter out of the fabric I already have and most lately, I've been searching for a job.

My homeschool plan is pretty cool, at least I'm excited about it. I kept going back and forth about early "formal" academics and reasoned that if I were to put my daughter in kindergarten (which is what I'm talking about) she would be into much heavier academics than if I were to homeschool, but, I don't think that I am a late-starter. I do acknowledge that during the first few years (from about 5-8 years old) what you are really doing is giving your children character training while teaching them to read and write and do math. I am so okay with that, but, I don't think that the fact that I will be attempting to develop character is a reason to sluff off on the work I'd like my child to do. My curriculum for kindergarten includes Saxon Math K, which is really a dumb thing to have purchased, but at the same time, I am extremely glad to have a script with which to guide me as I try to teach my kiddo about patterns, calendars, and counting (among other math concepts). Was it necessary? No, probably not. Can she learn all of those things without a text? Absolutely. Can I teach them effectively without the program? I think not, truly. I don't tend to be very good at explaining things to my children. One of my many flaws. I appreciate the book telling me what to say and when. I will add my own personality when I need to. Outside of that, I am using Sonlight's Pre-K (4/5) program except it's Bible component, I have a replacement in the Children's Illustrated Bible. I have begun to teach Jordyn to read with The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading and finally I will be using Handwriting Without Tears only because it was easy to order. I estimate that our days will be somewhere between one and one and half hours. Obviously, if my child starts freaking out and shows signs of hating school, we'll slow down and just enjoy reading, but I think she will do very well with what I have planned.

As far as schedule goes, I have found (thank you Duggar family!) Managers of Their Homes and Managers of Their Chores and ChorePacks. My kids love the ChorePacks and so do I. It is a fun, easy reminder of the tasks that need to get done and my kids love flipping the cards. I even made myself one (to demonstrate how cool it was to the kids) and I love it. It is so much easier than a list for my little morning routines, when I can easily forget to do something (like start a load of laundry!).

As for the summer wardrobe...well, that is pretty tricky. It always comes back down to several dichotomies. Modesty or fashion? Skirts or pants? Dresses or skirts? Long or short? Bathing attire or ??? And, the end result is that if I make a decision in one category, can I neglect the rest? I am doing this to please the flesh or the Lord? What is the root here?

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. I Peter 3: 1-4 KJV

I don't think that those verses say that apparel is irrelevant, but I do think that they speak to the heart of the matter. It isn't about what you wear, as much as it is about the condition of your spirit. Am I wearing dresses and skirts to feel like I am doing okay? Am I just covering up the sinful pride and ambition and yes even anger and fear that I feel? Am I behaving in a manner so as to have someone describe me as "meek" or "quiet"...I think not. I think that is why I LOVE watching the Duggars on TV. Michelle Duggar is such an example of what a meek and quiet spirit looks like. It is peaceful to witness. I have a long way to go. For now, I would like to wear primarily dresses or skirts. I can't think of a good reason to wear pants, though not standing out comes to mind, so I want to try to wear more of them.

I am making a dress from a pattern that I got when I was almost 20 pounds heavier, and it doesn't fit anymore...so I've been scaling the pattern down, which is essentially creating my own pattern and now, I have the pleasure of learning how to construct a sleeve pattern. It is really fascinating stuff and I've always wanted to know, but it is a little more than I bargained for.

And last but not least, a friend of mine has given me a contact to email about a work from home computer job. It is a good job, but it will be very difficult for me to do. I am especially worried about timelines and deadlines, but if the Lord provides this job for me, then I will know that it is in His will and I know that He (and He alone) will give me the strength to accomplish it.

Finally, as you might figure, I don't think I'll be writing too much. I'll do my best, but that list is pretty long and I have even more than that to do...but it was nice visiting you for this little while. I'll stop by your place as soon as I can...

The Coolest Things Ever!

I was doing my typical morning procrastination reading of my favorite blogs and Lillibeth over at The Pleasant Times (which is, by the way, a charming and entertaining blog to read) had blogged about the rabbit trails she takes while homeschooling. What was so cool is that she mentioned LibriVox's website which is an entirely free website for audio books within the public domain. They are read by volunteers and are therefore, FREE! (They also have the link to the Gutenburg website if you like reading on the screen...I don't.)

Though that it cool enough, it doesn't necessarily explain the need for a post except that we are moving and will be travelling a long distance with one adult per car. That means that I need to have a good supply of music and something entertaining to listen to while I drive...or I fall asleep! I have been looking for inexpensive versions of some of my favorite classics, but I just can't find them. The one copy of Pride and Prejudice that I found was $45.00!!! For an audio book??? I had just about given up because I didn't want to pay for a monthly membership or anything like that. I am not normally in my car for long hours, so listening to audio books isn't in my normal routine...though it might become part of it now! As we speak err, write/read, I am downloading two versions (of P & P) into my iTunes as a podcast and I plan on downloading everything else written by Jane Austen and then I will go exploring. Lillibeth had mentioned Dickens, which would be interesting since Dickens was meant to be read aloud so perhaps I'll try Oliver Twist or something. Anyway, lots of fun on that website! Check it out!!!

The second coolest thing I found the other day....I know, how on earth do I have time for such things? It's a mystery to me as well...is this Modest Clothing Directory. It is a really good website that caters to all different groups searching for modest clothing (Jewish, Islamic, Mormon, Plain, and Christians). They have links for headcovers and for clothing. I haven't even been able to explore the whole thing, but I am looking around for something special to fit into once I lose all this weight and though my sister's choice of bridesmaid dress is there as well, I still want something of my own choosing to use as a reward. So, I have been searching for something pretty and modest that I can buy when I have lost this extra weight. (There are also pregnancy sites and plus size sites too...). All in all, it's worthy of a bookmark and I will be using it in the future for my clothing and my daughter's as well!

Developing a Homeschool Curriculum

That new CPSIA law has been on my mind a lot lately and is struck me that I had counted on purchasing at least some of my curriculum secondhand and that I would really need to take homeschooling seriously this year. My previous excuse, “she is still too young for formal schooling” has passed somewhat, or will have passed by this fall. At least in my daughter’s case, she is ready for kindergarten. Now, before the delayed-start people jump down my throat, I assure you, I plan to take this very easy. Yes, I have developed a curriculum and I am planning purchases, but I will not force my daughter to do anything she is not ready to do. The thing is, in our house, I need something formal to sit down and “do.” This gives me guidance and the plan helps me realize that I’m getting everything covered that she would otherwise cover in public school kindergarten, minus the gay sex education and whatever other “playground lessons” she would learn. 

So over the last few days, I have been doing some more research into what I would like to buy and why, what the costs are, what the value of the products are (an expensive math text that I can reuse with each student is better than a middle priced consumable workbook), and so on. I have been looking into methods and curriculums and I have come to the conclusion that homeschooling is largely a trial and error type of thing. There is only so much reading about the curriculum and reading reviews will do. Eventually, you just have to pick one and start it. There are several different programs I love. I love the idea of classical education, particularly The Well Trained Mind. I have always liked this method, from the very beginning. Maybe it is because I latched on to it so early on that giving it up seems like a sacrifice too great to bear or maybe it is actually a good curriculum to follow. Next comes Sonlight. I adore Sonlight. They do all the work for you for planning and prepping and finding all the components of a great curriculum and they are already Biblically based, so unlike WTM, they do have a foundation set. Then there are the two runners up: Charlotte Mason and Tapestry of Grace. I like TOG because it combines a little of the Sonlight (pre-planned curriculum) with the WTM (classical education) plus they are also Biblically based and there is some comfort there. CM seems like a good alternative simply because I know of two different online curriculums that are free using this method. It does seem a little bit like classical education and I think I could get used to it, but it is not my first choice.

So, my "curriculum" for this summer, yes you read that right, is going to be Sonlight's P4/5 Core. I want to try to do this on my own, but Sonlight's book selection and early development handbooks seemed too good to be true, so I am going to try it out and see if it it just perfect for our family. If it is, then I will consider purchasing their Core K this fall. Otherwise, I have selected:

Bible: The Children's Illustrated Bible and the CM Method of Bible Memory

Reading: The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading and the Bob Book collection (along with plenty of library visits)

Read-Alouds: I have a very large list from several different sites and will just pull off from that list a week or two at a time. This is truly going to be the bulk of our homeschool time.

Writing: Zaner-Bloser. This font is just soo pretty, but if Jordyn can't handle it, then we'll switch to Handwriting Without Tears.

Math: Saxon K with manipulatives and these wooden pattern blocks. (Yes, this is an optional activity for my daughter...no pressure here. REALLY.)

Science: Everybody Has a Body: Science from Head to Toe and Mudpies to Magnets. (I think Jordyn will like these, but again...they are completely optional)

Other/Character Development: Polished Cornerstones, a character development for young girls, and Hymns for a Kid's Heart (all four sets)

So there you have it! I also plan on getting out of the house weekly. Library trips are a good start and we'll search out other field trips as time and budget allow. I think this is a particularly good start for homeschooling and a good test for me to see how well I'll do with a multi-subject curriculum. I am looking forward to doing all of this and I know that Jordyn is too. If you have any recommendations or cautions, let me know...

Babysitting and Homeschooling?

I have been thinking more about homeschooling lately. Jordyn is getting close to school age and she is eager to go to school. We live across the street from a (bad) public school, but she is so excited about going. Awhile back, last spring, when it was still very cold and the dew still froze the grass every night, I was lazy in the morning. The kids were still in their "footie-style" jammies and I had (of course) turned on the TV. I was working on my computer which happened to be in the master bedroom, Jordyn came in at one point to tell me she was going to school, but I didn't understand. Imagine my dread as I realized that I didn't hear the usual whining and screaming. I quickly came around the corner and the front door was ajar. I ran out the door screaming my daughter's name, still in my PJs too. It was then that I noticed the two little figures in the jammies crossing our frozen field of grass heading toward the school. She was 3 and holding her 2 year old brother's hand sopping wet feet even in their little footies. Thankfully, they came when called and promised never to leave again without Mommy or Daddy. We installed a top bolt later that day.

This story breaks my heart twice; once, that she is so eager to go to school to learn and I am letting her and her brother watch countless hours of TV which brings me to number two, that I am just an awful, selfish parent. I didn't even hear them go!!! I have spent the last four years pushing my kids aside with movies and TVs so that I don't have to get involved with them, after all, I'm busy surfing the internet! I have a deep regret about the way I have been parenting. Today was one of those days. I kept getting up to do something, but sitting down again a minute later. I ran off on all sorts of non-productive tangents and ended up with an entire day wasted. It struck me that I wasn't a mother, instead, I was a babysitter: waiting until the real authority showed up and I could go back to what I was doing. OHHHH, I love my kids, I want to teach them, I want to nurture them, I want to see them to come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. HOW? How can I even come close to doing anything like that for my children? I am so self-absorbed 80% of the time that when I finally do pull myself together, I am so busy "catching up" that I can't be bothered with my kids either! What a heartache this is... "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." -Proverbs 29:15. What a painful verse to read, but I must be made to see, I am forcing my children away.

Please pray for me, confronting this requires digging through years of personal baggage. I have been selfish from the get-go (just watch some of my childhood home-movies!) but I am a new creature in Christ and bound to sin no more, but that doesn't mean it makes it easy, it just means I have a Rock to go to for strength. Praise God for that!!!

So often I feel like my kids deserve better than me. I think that is where I come back to homeschooling. I know in my heart that it is the best method, that it is the right thing to do, but then I think about how excited Jordyn is to go to school and I think to myself, that it might just be better that she go. She would get a better education...even if it's a lousy one!!! As the pressure starts to build about what she should know or should be able to do or be doing, I begin to further doubt my abilities, despite what I know to be true.

My Issue with the Issues

When I first started this conservative Christianity journey, like I have said before, I was really skeptical of the whole thing. I didn’t understand the claims or positions of the different groups. One thing I have found since discovering Conservatism that disturbs me is the number of ways to “classify” a person. Perhaps I am still looking in on a totally foreign concept, but I almost feel like I am changing religions, that I can now be in the ranks of “super-Christians” or some other such nonsense. I have noticed (at least) four groups of people who move in these conservative circles: one, the KJV only believers, two, the modesty and femininity are the hallmarks of the female species, women and girls wear exclusively long(ish) skirts or dresses, and three, women (and girls) shall keep their heads covered at all times and four, always home school. Along with these four main topics there seem to be at least a few other issues like diet and church preference that further divide us.

I look at all these topics, not because I disagree and find fault in these issues, but because I agree with these issues and find fault in their practice. I know (or at least I am very confident) that none of these women’s blogs would argue that any of those things are essential for salvation, which rules out “legalism” as a method for adding anything except grace through faith in Jesus Christ for salvation, but I wonder about legalism in the way we live our lives. Is it purely from the Bible or is it a way to unnaturally separate ourselves from the world and be proud of it?

I am really fighting this: am I wearing modest (long) skirts and dresses out of submission to my husband (who doesn’t care if I wear pants) and God who declares that I should be MODEST/CHASTE and FEMININE? Is a long skirt the only way to accomplish both of those things? Can I wear a well-cut, not skin-tight, pair of pants and a nice blouse and still be feminine? Am I wearing those clothes merely to be different and to be accepted by a particular group in society? I want to throw out my pants; I only wear them because they are easy and “modern” so I won’t make other people uncomfortable by my appearance (like my mom, for example). I want to dress my daughter in pretty feminine clothes, but she wears mostly pants. How does all this dress-wearing work in winter? We are moving from Washington state (semi-mild winter) to Colorado (not so mild winter) and we are moving in JANUARY!!!

Then I look at the King James Only debate and while I was completely convinced not too long ago, I have since begun to think differently. I DO find the KJV harder to understand. Yes, the words themselves are simpler, but the order of the words makes it difficult to understand the sentence. I read the NKJV, as does the pastor at my church and I enjoy it. My version pulls from both the “oldest” text that the NIV uses and the more historical version that the KJV uses, in the notes whenever the texts disagree, the NKJV translators included an asterisk and then writes out what the other version said. If I am unsure about something, I will usually take it to the KJV because I do believe in the historicity of the text forming the KJV. However, I did ask my sister who took the Christian Apologetics Master program at Biola University and her belief is that the only infallible Word of God is the original language and that the translations that we use are still useful for doctrine and correction but as they are translations cannot be considered in the same class as the inspired word of God. We know there are mistakes in the KJV, sure many of them were typos, but how many misprints are in the original text? None. I don’t mind using the KJV and I don’t care for the NIV or any of the ultra modern New Living Translation because I think they inhibit a person from truly understanding. When you don’t have to think when you read, you can easily pass over a passage, but when you have to work at understanding it, your brain recalls better. See? I’m up in the air here as well. This one feels a little less “important” because it is a pretty private issue, I think. It is easier to keep this decision between God and me.

Then we have head covering. I used to think that women should cover, but I kept going back and forth and while I think that it can be beneficial, I don’t think that at this time, God is calling either me or my daughter to cover our hair, our bodies, yes.

Finally, home schooling. Honestly, this is my plan, but I am having my doubts about whether I can do it. This is supposed to be my “test” year because Jordyn is in preschool right now. I am doing NOTHING. It seems like she is learning NOTHING!!! Perhaps, if we are in a good school district, we will try Kindergarten for her. She is really excited about “going to school” and I think she would like it. My daughter has a tendency to be shy and she doesn’t really have other kids to talk to, so school might be good for her. I know what I want. I want to use The Well-Trained Mind and give my kids a great academic life. What I am doing is letting them watch countless hours of Dora and all her Nick Jr. buddies. How do I get there?

One trend I am noticing is that I need to “fix myself” first. I think God is working hard on me now because so many aspects of my life have been either put under a microscope or thrown into the flames. I can only come out better since God has begun a good work in me and will be faithful to finish it! Praise the Lord for that or all these musings would be depressing indeed!!!

My Journey, So Far

It has been almost two months since I have begun this journey into Biblical Womanhood. It is so amazing to me how many "accidents" and "coincidences" that have helped shape my journey. It all started with homeschooling. My daughter has only just turned four, but I knew when she was born that I wanted the best education for her. I thought that the best I could offer was to send her to private school and I even found the one that I would send her to. It wasn't until I moved to this area (Olympia, WA) that I found people that recommended homeschooling as a way of life. As soon as the thought popped into my head, I was hooked. My very first homeschooling book was So You're Thinking About Homeschooling, by Lisa Whelchel. I think she does a great job of explaining and showing the different ways to homeschool as well as link you to places that can give you better information. I think by far, it is the best book to give someone who is THINKING about homeschooling. I plan on purchasing it for each of my sisters. As I read it, I honed in on classical education. I bought The Well-Trained Mind and scoured it. I attacked it with a highlighter and made charts and graphs galore. By now, my daughter was a year old, but I was ready to start preschool. [Unfortunately, all my motivation came to naught when I found that the television caters to young children. We have been trying to break Mommy's addiction ASAP.] I started to spread my wings as I looked back through Whelchel's book and saw Trivium Pursuit listed. I didn't like the site and brushed it off as "antiquated" and ignored the idea for several years. It was always lingering in my mind so after rereading Whelchel's book again several months ago, I decided that I must homeschool and I approached Trivium Pursuit again. I bought their book, Teaching the Trivium, and began to read it. I was evaluating everything against my "homeschooling bible" which was WTM. However, as I committed to reading the book, even though it just didn't seem like it was written for this generation, an interesting thing happened.

The Bluedorns recommended a book called The Mother At Home which was written in the 1800s. I decided to purchase it, since I knew that I was struggling with my purpose at home. However, I ordered through amazon.com and they like to sell extra books and on the site for The Mother At Home was another book, Passionate Housewives, Desperate for God, by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald. Since I wanted free shipping and liked the catching title, I bought it as well. It was my husband's last day home for a month because of time to be served with the National Guard when my books came, but I was ashamed about purchasing them (because I didn't ask first) and tried to hide them. I was about as effective as Adam and Eve in the garden, but to my surprise, my husband wasn't upset. When I looked at the back cover, I found that Jennie Chancy was the founder of Ladies Against Feminism, which I mocked and that Stacy McDonald was the author of a book called Maidens of Virtue, I mocked her even further. After all, I had always called myself an "anti-feminist" because after my college class in "Women's History" I became convinced that all feminism did was trap women further than they ever had been in the past. That was not the popular opinion even though I was attending a Catholic School, run by Benedictine monks! However, maidens...ladies...virtue...skirts??? I was both intrigued and offended by what I was reading, but the intrigue won out. During the month of my husband's absence, I realized that my position as the "head" of the house had to change, and fast since just months before, we were very seriously talking about divorce- we had started to divide furniture and debt. It was incredibly humbling to see that I was the cause of the friction in the marriage. His biggest complaint? I didn't clean the house even though I stayed at home all day with our children. Yes, I was ready to divorce my husband because I didn't want someone to tell me when to clean house and how well to do it!!! Praise the Lord, He knocked some sense into me!!!

The "start here" page on LAF is really where I began with my Biblical womanhood journey. I read about modesty standards, but wasn't really too convinced because I had always considered myself to be a modest dresser. The biggest push came from the word "feminine" because I wasn't really encouraged to go that direction. The day I saw a VERY modestly dressed woman at the coffee shop sticks out in my mind. The was dressed in a loose-fitting (but not baggy) t-shirt and just above the knee length shorts. She was wearing athletic shoes and her hair was cut extremely short. Truly, there was nothing immodest about her outfit, according to the way I was judging modesty. What she completely lacked was femininity. This resonated deeply with me because I did not dress like a woman either. I spent some time talking on the phone with my husband who surprised me by supporting the decision, though he specifically said that often times, women's skirts are LESS modest than the jeans, to which I agreed and reassured him that that would not be the case with my skirts. One of the best articles I read at that time was an article called Modesty: Is it all in our dress? which really got me because it is very easy to ADD things, but Biblical Womanhood calls for the losing of oneself, no that is incorrect, Christianity calls for the sacrificing of oneself, women are just privileged enough to get to practice this principle in their own home among those who love them!

Anyway, to stop this story from getting any longer- where am I today? I have just received three new dress patterns from Common Sense Patterns and I am eager to begin purchasing fabric and sewing my fall and winter wardrobe. I have quite a few projects that are already under way, two long skirts to make, four dresses for my daughter, and enough fabric for two dresses and two underskirts. I have fabric coming out of my ears and yet, I am still eager to buy more. Wearing skirts (for I don't have any dresses yet) has been really difficult, more so that I thought. I am not worried about the people I meet in Wal-Mart as they have very little pull on my life. However, the people I am influenced by, like my parents and sisters, and of course, husband, are more likely to respond to the way I am dressing verbally, but they are also some of the people who are having a hard time adjusting to my change. Praise the Lord because my husband supports my decision and though he doesn't find my clothing "sexy" he also admits that that is a very good thing for clothing to be. He is very honest and tells me when he doesn't particularly care for something. It seems like his opinions are gradually getting more "old-fashioned" as I begin to wear more modest, feminine clothes. There are people who don't agree with me and it does make life more difficult, however, I am enjoying even the difficult times because I am able to go back and remember why I am doing what I am doing and I can take comfort in the word of God.

Deciding to Homeschool

I missed the financial aid deadline for school, so I won't be attending St. Martin's in the Fall. As much as I would really like to go back to school and study my way to a bachelor's degree- I feel like I am being led to stay home with my kids; to actually learn to love to be around them, instead of tolerate them until bedtime. We had been talking about putting Jordyn in a preschool while I was in school. She will be 4 in August and I thought that it was time to begin some formal schooling. My version of school so far has been plenty of Dora the Explorer! Hardly educational, though she can count to 10 in Spanish! I feel like I am failing them right now, because I know that they watch WAY TOO MUCH TV and have very little tolerance for reading stories, especially Noah. I suppose he is still a little to young and fidgety to read long stories because he still listens, but he has to be "doing" something. The only problem is that he gets distracted once he starts doing something else and therefore is no longer listening. Anyway, all of this, on top of talking about divorce (mostly because I can't manage to keep the dishes and laundry clean!!!) and talking of moving, I think I just want to do what's best for my kids. I refuse to give in to the lure of divorce because I know that working out a marriage is always better than divorce. Eric is not my soul mate and I never should have married. These are big statements and I mean them. What I feel isn't completely regret, like wishing that I could go back and change it, but realizing that I didn't make a good decision in the past and determination to not further the bad decisions even if the first decision (marrying) wasn't a good one, divorcing right now does not put me back where I was 7 years ago. So I have become somewhat kid-focused right now. I am exercising more now for the kids (so I will be around when they have kids), eating healthy and wanting to do whatever it takes for them to be happy healthy kids.

Homeschooling is part of that. Jordyn seems to be a sensitive kid. It's not that she doesn't get along with her peers, because she does, but I think that kids can be incredibly mean and I think that like most kids, she is vulnerable to that. I don't think that she is emotionally ready to handle bullies and I definitely don't want her to seek after the popular crowd like I did in junior high and high school. I want her to learn where her values are and who she is in Christ first and I want her to learn these values from someone who truly has her best interest at heart. As a young girl, there are so many lessons that peers are all too willing to teach you and I don't want Jordyn to learn them. I want her to evaluate her character, not her chest size. I want Noah to learn to achieve in a safe environment. Noah might well pick up speed educationally, but right now, he's behind. That is probably because all he wants in his day is movie after movie. Still he has plenty of things that he loves to do, but when he is at a loss for something interesting to occupy him with, he turns to the TV. Not a habit I want to encourage. I want Noah to grow up to be secure, to learn how to take care of his family. I don't want him teased for things he can't control (or even things he can, for that matter!!!). There are also expectations on the young men in our society and I don't want him to believe many of the things that society tells our boys that it is okay to do. I want both kids to have a substantial grounding in the Scripture and I want their values formed by that more than their peers or society.

All that said, HOW AM I EVER GOING TO HOMESCHOOL??? Not only am I unsure about what curriculum I want to use (more on that later), I am concerned about how on earth I will manage to not kill them during the course of the day!!! As much as I love my children, no one else is as capable as they are in the art of driving me crazy. How do I manage to keep control and how do I fill my days? I suppose a very good way is to figure out how and when I am going to get out of the house-both with kids and alone, what my schedule is going to be, and how I will be supported. The biggest thing that I am thinking about are the actual methods and curriculum to choose. Five years from now I will probably laugh at my current angst because I will have learned that curriculum and methodology can change from one year to the next and I am still in the mindset that this is a one-time decision. That once I choose a handwriting program, I have to stick with it forever. What on earth am I going to use for grammar? Is it more important to be fun or rigorous? Am I going to be a better teacher if I have someone else's lesson plan in front of me or one that I have created myself?

I am seriously considering three different styles of homeschooling right now: Sonlight's prepackaged complete curriculum which makes homeschooling incredibly simple for me, but doesn't necessarily give me complete control over what my children are using in each subject (they only have a choice of 3 handwriting curriculums and my favorite is not among them), but I know it works and even though it might not be my favorite method, I know that it's do-able, Christian based, and thorough. One of my other choices is Tapestry of Grace. TOG is a unit-study curriculum that takes most of it's methods from the classical and Charlotte Mason methods. The parent is required to do a significant amount of the choosing, but they point you in the right direction with your choices. It is set up to be repeatable, so that I will only have to buy the four different sets and then I will repeat it 3 different times as the kids age at more depth each time. Since it follows the classical approach, I know that it is going to be rigorous and that is really something I desire for my kids. However, since it is a unit-study approach, I can always add and subtract, plus I can teach multiple levels at one time. When Noah starts formal schooling, Jordyn will probably be about 2 years ahead of him and he will be able to just jump in with assignments that are tailored to him. Sonlight does this to a certain extent, but it seems like it might be a little more difficult. I have already ordered my Sonlight catalog even though I can read it online because I much prefer to do my reading in print and I wanted to look more into Tapestry of Grace. One other major concern is that TOG doesn't have a pre-school program and Sonlight does. However, the basis of Sonlight's curriculum is literature, so the preschool program is essentially a book list with some developmental books added for good measure. Where they excel is in the teacher's guide which helps clueless parents like me tie it all together. TOG also has good parent/teacher guides, but again, no preschool program-though they do allow for children to start their program at a Kindergarten level, though I assume that you would just extend the first unit for two years and start the second unit during what would be second grade.

The last thing that I am considering is to go it alone: that is to use a classical approach to homeschooling- specifically the book, The Well-Trained Mind, by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise. I will probably need a few other books if I decide to take this route; there are a few books on designing your own classical curriculum and one in particular about Christian Classical Homeschooling that I consider an essential. Combining all of those resources, I think that I could do a good job of creating a personal program- TWTM is probably sufficient with all their suggestions and resource selections. They are probably the number one source right now for parents attempting a classical homeschool. I would be surprised if a family were classically homeschooling without owning this book. However, I am a little intimidated by it. I have read it over and over again and I am a little concerned with just the amount of information presented. In many ways, it seems like the authors consider some of the information common sense and perhaps it is, but it isn't common practice and therefore, I am finding it a little difficult to attempt some things. The other thing is that my view of the way this style should be meted out is a little like a cold schoolhouse with the children chained to their chairs. Obviously, that is the LAST thing I want to accomplish with homeschooling- instead I want to create children who love to learn and know how to learn. The last bit there is extremely important to me! I love to learn new things and because I am a good reader can learn most things THAT INTEREST ME, but tell me to learn something from a book that doesn't interest me or is slightly above my natural level and I falter. I don't think that I learned well (enough) HOW to learn. These are skills, not desires or inclinations. Learning is part of life and often times you are required to learn something that you don't necessarily want to learn. I want my children to be able to successfully learn new things, but also be able to carefully interpret them according to their worldview. I don't want them to be swayed by whatever the newest research is, I want them to go searching for the rest of the story and figure out how what they have learned fits in with what they already know and believe. I honestly believe that classical education is the best way to go about doing that, but I think that classical education can be poorly suited to someone who is tactically minded, for example, and craves physical involvement to learn something new. I think that Jordyn might enjoy physical activity in her lessons, though I think that she is well suited to the classical approach. I can't see Noah sitting still long enough to write his name, let alone learn something. Time will tell with Noah though, and changing his habits from TV watching/wandering to books and playing will probably help.

TOG seems to be a pretty good compromise of all my goals, so I am pretty interested in finding out more. I might just order the Pre-K program through Sonlight just for the quality books and schedule for this year. This year is pre-school; next year I will want to develop a better program for Jordyn's kindergarten because that is the year that she needs to learn to read, and read well. So, we start this year. She is already interested in knowing her letters, but she seems to be a little spacey when asked to recall any of the information. I can't tell if she truly doesn't know or if she is just playing. How to include serious behavior as part of the school routine eludes me as of yet. I think that I will start with creating "school-time" for the first 30 minutes of Noah's nap and then require quiet time of her in her room. I will probably get some books on tape for her to listen to during this time instead of the typical movie. That should be a pretty good preschool start...no matter what program I choose in the end!